Jungle capture – So I caught this leopard-look blonde in the jungle and decided to have some fun with her. She could be a cheetah, I suppose, but I think she’ll fall into line once we get to know each other better. I have something special planned for this particular wild pussy.
Blame it on Suki – Well, OK, I admit it. It is my fault. But can I help it if bondage is sexy? I didn’t invent it after all. Some people just suit ropes and a gag in the mouth. She happens to suit the figure-hugging lycra too.
Favourite things – I’ll let this sexy bitch speak for herself. Damn it, we have so much in common that we could be sisters.
Bliss – It’s a competition to see who can suck my nipples the hardest. Yes, I’m winning.
Clean hills – Those mounds are being scrubbed until they’re sparkling. I really want to join in and help. She’s so adorable!
Cross purposes – My dentist is such a prankster. She’s always telling me to open wide (my legs just spring apart automatically at those words) and she’s doing it here with another patient too. How can she open wide for you when she’s clearly out for the count? The bride and daughters just will not do!
Bottle opener – Part-time bar work specialising in opening bottles, eh? I could do that although my pussy wouldn’t be my first choice method.
Fuck the guitar – Her boyfriend was strumming away happily when he suddenly got up, said: “Fuck the guitar” and abruptly went out. She will do anything to please him. Whatever he says goes in that household.
Hot tub pussy pendulum – Here we have an enthusiastic pussy pendulum who can hardly wait to plunge into that hot tub. Just let yourself go, honey. You deserve it.
Submarine pussy – This underwater pussy gives me goosebumps too. I’m reaching for my snorkel as we speak.
Lesbian club meeting – There is an animated discussion at my local lesbian club. We are unanimous that all men are pigs and breast milk is good for you but there is general disappointment that only one member adhered to the pirate theme for the evening.
Golf widow – Well, somebody has to take the dogs for a walk while hubby is off playing golf. She might as well spice up the occasion with a little under-cloak nudity.
Ready for the Master – Doped up, tied up and perked up pussy. The Master just comes home and everything is laid out on a plate for him. A little pre-masterly fingering wouldn’t go amiss right about now methinks!
Breakfast buffet – Yummy, hot and scrumptious. Just how I like it. The most important meal of the day as they say. I’ll bet it’s dripping with juices already and not even been touched.
Matching the carpet – It’s no good, sweetie. Camouflage isn’t going to help you. We’ll have you out of those clothes and up against the wall in no time. You know you’re gagging for it.
Life is full of whys – Yes, it is, my darling. And while we’re on about it – why are you so sexy?
Big ape – Sometimes you just wanna be grabbed by a big ape. Well, I do anyway.
Sweet mermaid – There’s no escaping them apparently. They keep coming back to haunt me. If I didn’t do so much sub-aqua diving I might never have met one and they’d leave me alone. This one probably is my best mermaid friend though. If only she didn’t stink to high heaven of fish she’d be great.
Don’t forget the postcode – The message is clear. If you want your package delivered safely to the right address you know what to do.
It’s the novel’s fault – Well, I’ve already admitted my guilt. I’d hold up my hands and say “Mea culpa” too if they weren’t tied to the table and if that guy wasn’t coming at me with what looks very like a branding-iron in his hand. Oh, it’s alright. It’s just his penis.