Reflex action – Yes, pussy penduluming is trending worldwide, not just on Pussy Pendulum Island, so here is another look at the phenomenon. You are bound to be seized by a fit of enthusiasm when you spot something you’ve always wanted to get your hands on while you are out walking on the beach. It’s big and it’s black and it’s all yours. You go for it, girl.
Starting young – Girls in their mid-teens and upwards are openly penduluming in public in parks and wherever the mood takes them. They may not be doing it in the nude – that comes later – but what counts is they’re doing it unashamedly and with no little skill. Whether upside down or the right way up, it’s happening, people. Get used to it!
Try outs – The beach is an ideal location to practise those pendulum positions. Once you’re comfortable all you’ve got to do is hang out with your pussymates. It’s as simple as that.
Time out – Here a busy mom takes a break from her pendulum routine to feed her offspring. That’s a milk shake you’re getting, kid. Make the most of it.
Nice tits – Of course, it’s cool to practise at home too. Not everyone who appreciates a good nipple is under a year old.
TV dinner – When there is nothing good on television you can still enjoy a TV dinner. Meat is on the menu tonight, folks!
Home entertainment – “It’s not fair. They won’t let me go out clubbing in this dress. I never have any fun.” You might be wrong, sugar. “They” may have something in mind for you. It’s better than being grounded, isn’t it?
High flyer – The Red Baron ain’t got nothing on you, kiddo. You’re as good as any Fokker I’ve seen. What’s it like in the cockpit, I wonder?
Sensitive touch – “What am I always telling you about cold hands? Warm those digits before you start probing, bitch.”
Special attention – We all appreciate the special attention a friend can give us, someone who will put themselves out to ensure we are having a good time. Nipple clamps with weights attached are just like that friend.
Allowed one phone call – No matter what kind of pickle you get into you know that you can be sure of at least one thing. Everyone is entitled to make that one phone call. Who will you call?
Suspended Suki – Manga Me looks as if she’s got on the wrong side of a rolled up Irish tricolour. Honestly, there are some leprechauns that you just can’t talk to.
Parachuting in – Sometimes you lose control of your chute and just end up in the wrong field with people who’ve misread the situation. “It’s been a long flight, guys. I really just want a shower right now!”
Wide open – He seemed like such a nice, quiet guy over dinner. Maybe it was something in the liqueurs which changed him.
Swinging – Somehow giving a blowjob when you know there are six other guys waiting their turn is not what you expect from reading the brochure.
Suspended animation – Who says redheads have more fun? I suppose it helps if you know the ropes.
Common factor – Some women have the ability to act as a catalyst to bring others together and help them act in harmony. Here we have a case in point although she might have spent some time cleaning the floor first. Just look at those feet!
Pinch an inch – It’s not funny so why are you laughing, honey? These electric clothes pegs are the very latest high-tech imports from North Korea you know.
Domina’s dungeon – At last a touch of professionalism. Style and efficiency – that’s what we want from a glossy tormentor, that and a good seeing-to.
Not amused – I can feel something in the air tonight. She’s not a happy bunny girl, is she? Nice teeth though.
Fire down below – “What do you mean you’ve run out of oil for basting? Put this chip pan out at once, do you hear?”
Time to reflect – Everyone needs a chance to think, to get away from it all and meditate on the deeper meanings of things. I bet she’s wondering what her boyfriend really thinks of her, right now.
Purely belter – Ah, just to lie back and relax. You couldn’t beat it with a big stick, could you? Ooops, maybe you could!
What next? – She looks as if she’s worrying about the gas bill or what her hubby is going to do with that branding iron he’s been heating up.
Split end – Ballet training was never like this when I was at school. Still, if it helps get her to Covent Garden I’m sure it’s OK.
Ginger nut – I wonder if it was the same person who did her pigtails as did those ropes. Left a few loose ends in both cases, I reckon.
Got her pegged – Now all we need to do is hang out the washing on that line running from her right foot and there might just be time to watch the News.
Help – “Is anyone there? It’s been three fucking days now. I have to get back to the salon. There’ll be people waiting for me.”
Ready for Santa – She’s much nicer than the Christmas tree we usually have. Isn’t it marvellous what the Job Centre can do for people these days?
Dropping the ball – “It’s no good. I’m out of breath. You’ll have to find someone else to play blow football with, Darren.”
Wood you – “Ouch! Those sharp corners! More bloody splinters than at a Chinese 100 metres race and this cucumber tastes horrible and all.”
Hanging around – “Something to do with counterbalancing the weight of the farthest branches and helping the tree to stay upright, he said. I’m not so sure anymore.”
Conk her – “Why did I have to keep my stilettos on again, Johnny? … Johnny?”
Freestyle – And a little Irish Pussy Pendulum jig to finish with. Good luck to yous all now.