Suki Jensen-Ramirez
Suki Jensen-Ramirez

Reading room

Still innocent – So sweet, so pure, so innocent. Yes, she hasn’t read “The Pussy Pendulum” yet. She has all that lust and depravity to look forward to. Who knows – in six months she could be working the streets or married to a millionaire? The pendulum can swing either way.

The awakening – It begins. First there is a hotness in the loins, then an urge to get naked followed by an irresistible desire to orgasm. The Pussy Pendulum has struck again.

Sailing away – Before you know it you’re incognito (somewhere near Spain). You’re on board a rich man’s yacht and you’ve no idea where you’re going. There are ropes everywhere and it’s only a matter of time before they will bind you and the never-ending sexual stimulation will begin. You can’t bear to wait.

Beachcomer – You will come on the beaches, on the waves. There are white horses everywhere. You cannot stop reading, letting your imagination run wild. You cannot stop coming. One orgasm blends into another and then the next.

Classic wanton – Soon you will do nothing but read and present yourself for fucking. Your vagina is the temple wherein all must worship and you do mean all.

Prone reader – You will prostitute yourself on the sand, indulge in threesomes and provide a home for wayward crabs. But above all you will continue to read until you reach the end or learn that there is no end to erotica.

Making a clean breast of it – Then you will start again from the beginning – on the grass, in the shade, wherever your fancy takes you. You will still read avidly and come hard and long.

Bedroom erotica – There will be no rest. Your head will not touch the pillow. Your pussy will grind to the mattress as if to the mistress or the master. You are a slave to love, to romance, to sex.

Nude and lewd – You will eschew clothing, preferring a permanent state of readiness for lascivious intercourse. You will allow yourself to be carried away on a sea of vulgarity, drowning in expletives and genital euphemisms.

Naughty corner – You will lounge in the naughty corner drinking in the ecstasy of your new vocabulary, salivating at the possibility of ravishment at any instant, your heart pumping loudly and your breath issuing forth in short savage bursts.

Orgasmic guarantee – You have been given it in writing and it will never let you down. You are coming and you cannot stop. The heavenly bliss is upon you and there is no escaping it.

Shelf hunter – You unashamedly seek out fresh opportunities. Literature becomes as seductive as any drug. You hunt the library’s shelves for new prey and you will always find it. Your pirate panties will be off in a split second …

Purely for research – Naked and leering you will patrol the stacks until you discover the buried treasure you have so assiduously sought. Your breasts are thrusting, your pussy is yearning, all in the name of research.

Communing with nature – You luxuriate in your languor now. Dip your fingers in the wetness, part your legs to expose your naked pussy, all the time never tearing your eyes away from the pages of the book, the source, the giver of pleasure.

My hat blew off – The flood waters explode between your legs, blowing off your hat, billowing your dress, making you lose your place on the page. The sand melts away around your pussy as the cool waters engulf it and calm its flow.

Turning over a new leaf –And so it begins once more. The waters are serene and so are you. The embers are dying but they will be rekindled, if only by an electronic version of the never-ending story.

Just dabbling at first – As it starts only your feet are wet. But that wetness will rise up to soak your most intimate regions. The craving for nakedness will take hold afresh.

Hot story – Your bed will be no haven. The heat of passion will seek you out and overwhelm you. Your pussy will beg for relief as the torrents rage inside you.

The apple of knowledge – Once you’ve eaten it, even a solitary bite, there is no going back. All you can do is surrender to the page. Part your pussy lips and hope for fulfilment.

Open to suggestion – Even sitting peacefully in the park your dress will begin to ride up, revealing more and more thigh. Your fingers will wander to your lips and your hair will toss as you cross your legs to create the friction you crave.

Chapter and worse – Sharing the experience of an erotic novel with your friends will not preserve you from the great hunger. As you pore together over the “dirty bits” their pussies will be seized by the same orgasmic needs as your own.

Naked together – Cleaving your naked bodies to one another’s warm, yielding flesh will not stave off the inevitable. It will just speed up the process tenfold.

Learning the rules – Take time to assimilate the rules of sexual enslavement before you embark down the path towards the Dark Side. You must know how to dominate as well as be submissive.

Joys of the flesh – “The Pussy Pendulum” does not have all the answers but it is a good place to begin. There will be many more lessons to come. You cannot acquire everything there is to know at one sitting. Patience and the right accessories are a virtue.

Hedonistic pleasures – Candles, red wine and Spaghetti Bolognese may be the first steps in the orgy to come but your nakedness and the correct instructional manuals will really make the feast.

The backlash – “So we’re all agreed then. The slut in the leather jacket who suggested we read “The Pussy Pendulum” is banned from our reading group. Shall we cut off her hair too?”

Laughter the best medicine – If you can’t laugh while reading about people having sex then you’re really missing out. It is the funniest thing in the world, after all, even when you’re doing it right!

A window of opportunity – Of course, even reading about sex is not something you do with your socks on. Her nipples are perky, the skirt has ridden up, so why, oh why are your feet encased in wool, honey?

Woodland wonder – Just flop down anywhere among the pine cones, whip out your book and that dress will just ride up automatically. I hope you come before the squirrels get you, sweetheart.

Lost in literature – She’s started with Shakespeare but I’m sure it won’t be long until she works her way up to the likes of “The Pussy Pendulum.” Roll on that day.

Quiet repose – The calm before the storm. Before long that bun will be undone and her hair allowed to fall loose. Her free hand will begin to explore her soft, warm body and then … and then … Well, use your imaginations.

Legs crossed for romance – Yes, that pussy is being primed and it will be no time before another button of that cardigan is opened. Her cheeks are flushing already and she’s only up to page ten.

Right of reply – It looks as if she has been inspired to write something herself. I hope it’s a letter to me. Maybe she’ll write me a song – “Summer team and the living is easy …”

Comfort zone – Whatever you decide to read you should always make yourself as comfortable as possible before starting. It isn’t compulsory to be naked, especially in this climate. Just be somewhere you can feel at ease and let yourself go. That means, of course, that no one should be looking over your shoulder and certainly no one with a camera. Fuck off, asshole!

Favourite position – As you know I’m a missionary girl myself. Let others do all the hard work while I reap all the benefits, I say. It works for reading too.

Assessing the possibilities – “If I haven’t come once by the time I’ve read as far as my right thumb I’m going to give up and re-read “The Pussy Pendulum” by that nice Suki Jensen-Ramirez girl, the one who’s always screaming her orgasms, poor thing.”

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