Suki Jensen-Ramirez
Suki Jensen-Ramirez

Zombie Werewolf Voodoo Nightmare

Hot Voodoo girl – This compilation features followers of Voodoo as well as some zombies, vampires and werewolves, all in the hope of keeping you awake at night, cowering under the covers while quivering all over and sweating like a sacrificial goat (Do goats sweat?). Coffee late at night also works! Clearly this girl has been caught up in the semi-religious experience of doing a burlesque act at her local furniture refurbishment centre. She’s on a high and so should we be as a result of seeing her.

Zombiefied – This is me if I were a zombie which you’ll be pleased to hear I’m not, but thanks for asking, I’m sure. I don’t think red-eye is supposed to be like that but then skin-tight rubber may have unexpected side-effects.

Girl in trouble – My worst nightmare – being stabbed with a knife by a hunk while two other guys restrain me and the entire monastery has come out to watch. Now if it had been his penis he was preparing to use there would have been absolutely no problem. Performing for monks is practically second nature to me.

No rest for the wicked – And I thought I had it rough! The lesson here, I think, is – Don’t annoy the villagers and they’ll leave you in peace.

Werewolves attack – I think she’s secretly enjoying this. I know that I would be too. It’s just the way she’s clinging to Werewolf 2 and posing that makes me think the pixie is in her element.

Lesbian vampires will get you – It’s that special Kodak moment between a satisfied client and her hairdresser that is just priceless. So much blood, sweat and tears have been put into creating that hairstyle it deserves a “Thank you” and I think the blonde stylist is going to get hers any second.

Let sleeping vamps lie – Yes, a wise decision, Miss Pixie. When you share your bed with a vampire it’s always best to let her sleep on in the morning for as long as she wants. I’m sure she had a busy night.

Night huntress on the prowl – Sexy or what!? Nothing like a dress slit to the hip and a big slice out of the cleavage to set the pulses racing. No matter how fast they go she’ll catch them, I’ll bet.

Ill-met by moonlight – When you’re nude in the Arctic snow you probably deserve what you get or has she just reverted to human form after a night out chasing Taylor Lautner while the rest of the werewolf pack look on?

Jealousy bites – Don’t female vampires have great hair, make-up and stylish clothes these days? You’ve died for that waistline, honey. Get your kit off and join your two friends. They’re obviously having fun!

Pond life – The water nymphs are out sucking off the locals, as is their wont. The village pond is at the centre of the social scene in a rural locality. The countryside sucks, eh?

The taste of Jamaica – The Voodoo spell seems to be working on her or maybe she’s always had a taste for Old Jamaican rum and he’s taken the precaution of dipping his cock in it before their date. Either way, both parties seem to be getting the benefit.

Bermudan triangle – Is the pool filled with Bacardi or was the guy just born lucky? The magic of the Caribbean seems to be in the air at any rate.

Addams family values – The entire clan seem to be on a winner in this orgy. It just goes to show that even ghouls and monsters know how to party!

Voodoo Apocalypse – Apparently if the dolls look enough like the original people and the incantations are right, the Old Black Magic can work its spell. The girl has talent too.

Sexy priestess on the look-out – She’s keeping a firm hold on her valuable assets and that’s something I’d like to do as well. Come to Suki, sweetie.

Zombie girl wants you – Even though she’s a zombie I think she’d still pull at the local pub on a Saturday night. I’ve seen worse trying!

Sexy but undead – Let’s face it, not many zombies can still do “sexy” but she’s the exception. I’d just be worried that her clit might come off in my hand.

Girls' night out – No, they’re not zombies. I think they’re from the North East of England and are just on an ordinary night out.

Typical street scene – This is what I see every time I walk down the main street in our nearest town. I know two of them by first names as well.

High roller – Zombie? Naw, she just skidded and hit the kerb while skating. Apart from a little blood she usually looks like that!

Zombie next door – The neighbour’s zombie daughter is rather pleasant, once you get to know her. Really fond of tomato ketchup, she is.

Wolf girl on full moon patrol – Just humour her, I say. She’s been like this ever since she saw the “Twilight” films. Great at catching the biscuits I throw her in her mouth. Loves sheep apparently.

Lesbian she-werewolves salute the dawn – Well, it’s the excuse they gave for being naked in the woods after a full moon night. It’s good to see people taking their hobby so seriously.

Voodoo child – Face painting at the village fete appears to have got out of hand again.

Disposing of your enemies – If only it were so easy everyone would be doing it.

Will the pins work – Thank goodness neither of these two dolls looks like me. I’m sure my headache is down to natural causes.

Voodoo doll is a poor likeness – No, my boyfriend doesn’t look remotely like this, I’m glad to say. For a start he hasn’t got a heart, although, come to think of it, that little bump in the middle does remind me of his … no, … it couldn’t be.

The power of the mind – Her granny is still smoking, even after all the health warnings. I think it’s going to take more than a half-hearted lap dance to cure her now, though.

Black Magic Woman – She designed this outfit herself and she still gets more boxes of chocolates than me! Well, maybe I can understand why, I suppose.

Voodoo Queen – Having one breast bigger than the other must be a bitch even for a Voodoo Queen. Still, there’s no mistaking what she is at the Halloween fancy dress party.

Fairy-tale ending – How could it be otherwise? The butch redhead overpowers the dizzy, defenceless, blonde babe and they live happily ever after. Poor Blondie, you just can’t get the right staff these days.

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Suki Jensen-Ramirez




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