The Pussy Pendulum
Feathered nestling – We’ll never be kept apart except by a feather boa or when the sheets need ironing, like now.
Lip biter – Just testing that you’re not a mirror image. I’d happily snog me all day long, if I could.
Pussy check – I want to make sure you’re not one of those ladyboys. I’ve been caught out before and you have got a bit of an Asian tan.
A word in your mouth – We’re both wearing bras at least two sizes too small. Let’s swap.
Blonde ambition – Trying to spur me on, are you? I don’t need any encouragement. Your lips are just edible.
Leg up – Was that your bum rubbing on the leather sofa or have you just farted?
Redheads united – Oh, burn my passion never waning. Thank God we’re inside now it’s raining.
There in black and white – I think we both need a good slap up meal, don’t you?
Up against it – You actually went out and bought that painting for how much?
Audience participation – We only do it for the applause and the free beer.
Teacher’s pet – Geography always was my favourite subject at school. Chance of a good A-level if I continue to show an interest.
Three times a lady – Three can be so much more fun than two. Try it and see.
Lattice in – Just licking your neck to remind you that I’m here too. Need any help with the buttons?
Stolen kiss – If it wasn’t for massaging this hot ass we would never have gotten together.
Holiday romance – First we have sex, then we go into the garden and throw spears at the locals.
Bathing together – What a time to swallow the soap. I’m doing my best to fish it out.
Shallow waters – So how long do we have to kiss before we turn into mermaids?
Shower duo – You must be really stressed out. I haven’t switched on the water yet.
Wet all over – Why did we spend so much time putting on all that make-up when we knew we were just going to wash it all away?
Sofa so good – Spontaneity is good but I only came into the library to ask for directions to the town hall.
On top of the situation – Now will you believe me that it’s not a wig.
So caring – Let’s get a new bedspread at the first opportunity.
Respect – I’ll do anything if you’ll lend me your curling-tongs.
In a quandary – I don’t know. She just came in and sat down beside us.
Bleeding ear – Did you know your right ear is bleeding? – Yes, the crocodiles around here are an awful nuisance.
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© Suki Jensen-Ramirez