An ass that speaks – True physical perfection can usually only be glimpsed and is rarely achieved. This ass has reached that elevated status, however, and we have its owner to thank. The whole world is in her debt.
Cunt on a bike – Normally some cunt on a bike would not attract our attention but here is the exception – pussy power in the extreme.
Ready to serve – What a welcoming smile from our hostess. Surely perfection cannot top this.
Open house – Oh, yes it can. A welcoming pussy and a welcoming smile. Physical perfection is right at home.
Dining room piece – Another example of the genre, this time in a dining room table setting. Makes your mouth water, doesn’t it?
Hoover Pussy – Vacuum cleaner broken down? Dirty carpet? You need “Hoover Pussy” – the all-in-one carpet cleaner just sucks up that ground-in dirt as it glides across the surface, leaving your living room spotless.
Floating – Add “Pool Cleaning Babe” to your swimming pool for that perfect pure sparkle and fresh green minty taste. Long-lasting action for guaranteed results.
Languid Pam – For the bedroom. Spread “Languid Pam” on your sheets for that true, fresh whiteness feeling. Your sheets will look as if they’ve been starched when you get “Languid Pam.”
Black Beauty – New “Black Beauty” foldaway transportation. Keep a “Black Beauty” in your trunk for those emergency situations when your automobile breaks down. Simply unfold the “Black Beauty” and get the ride of your life all the way home. (Also available in white, brown, pink, yellow and olive versions.)
Young Puppy – No modern home is complete without the sensational new “Young Puppy.” This unique bundle of fun will frolic into your life for hours of side-splitting entertainment. Order yours today.
Tanned and Blonde – The party accessory of your dreams. Get “Tanned and Blonde No.1” and we’ll throw in a second “Tanned and Blonde” for free.
Perfect Breasts – If you order the “Perfect Breasts Tanned and Blonde” model you’ll also get a second one for free. Hurry and place your order while stocks last. (Remember that all “Tanned and Blonde” models have associated high maintenance costs.)
Magnificent two – These earrings are only available by post. Order yours today and you’ll also receive this necklace absolutely free. What do you mean what earrings?
Sophistication and power – “Home Domina” is the latest in our sophistication and power series. “Home Domina” is guaranteed to have you grovelling at her feet once you switch her on. (Batteries not included.)
Patriotic Jess – Get your “Patriotic Jess” life-size doll direct from the manufacturers in Thailand. A real treat awaits you. Home delivery only – multiple orders from the same address cannot be accepted.
Ideal pet – Every home should have a “Black Pussy.” Just make sure that it’s kept in a different room from your “Young Puppy” as they may clash.
Over a barrel – Has life got you over a barrel? Follow our “Flexible Fitness” programme and you’re sure to come up to your expectations. “Flexible Fitness” puts the zing back into your downtime.
Slimline tonic – Need a pick-me-up? Try “Petite Asian Girl,” the new slimline tonic from Malaysia. It’s the refreshing new taste that does grow on trees.
Life’s tough – And don’t you know it? Get that “Away-from-all-your-worries” feeling with “Petite Asian Girl,” your holiday companion in a bottle.
Enjoy responsibly – You can treat “Petite Asian Girl” as part of your normal calorie-controlled diet but how you drink it is up to you.
Holier than thou – You can look as sexy as this in the new Air Conditioned Dress Chic from Asda. Using “Quarter Moth Technology” the new ACDC look can be yours for just a fraction of the cost of the Paris original.
Flying Bird – You’ll fly like a bird with the new intimate deodorant from Girlfresh. Spray directly onto your pussy and armpits and get ready to take off for the flight of your life. Use “Flying Bird” and feel the wind beneath your wings.
Femilawn – Dull, lifeless grass, weeds, dead leaves? What your garden needs is “Femilawn,” guaranteed to brighten up any run-down areas. Spreads easily, shines for hours. Created by Nature and brought to you by Lawnmaster Fertilisers Incorporated.
Sex on Legs – The all-new party fix from the people who brought you “Petite Asian Girl.” Your “Sex on Legs” can provide the right ingredient for any successful party night. Just release your “Sex on Legs” into any party location, sit back and watch the room hum.
Hosepipe Ban Hottie – Need to beat the hosepipe ban? Then you need “Hosepipe Ban Hottie.” No one would dare challenge this superbly crafted hosepipe holder which comes ready-oiled and maxi-slim for easy storage and the most impressive showing possible. Your garden is complete with “Hosepipe Ban Hottie.”
Nude Walker – Fancy a walk in the countryside minus your clothes? You need the company of Nude Walker. She’ll distract the Sheriff while you head for the hills. Nude Walker is guaranteed 100 per cent effective with the National Guard and with County Sheriff’s Departments throughout Texas. Yes, there are no gays in Texas law enforcement, folks, and I’m sure you’re glad to know that.
Bedroom Betsy – Does the bedroom of your apartment have large windows fronting on the view from nearby buildings? Then Bedroom Betsy is for you. Simply place your BB unit prominently in the window and be the envy of all your neighbours. Bedroom Betsy can be easily repositioned throughout the day or night for that extra touch of realism. Bedroom Betsy is a product of Malaysian Enterprises – home of the Petite Asian Girl and Sex on Legs franchises (please use each of these products only for the purpose for which they are intended).