Suki Jensen-Ramirez
Suki Jensen-Ramirez

Pirate pussy

Parrot fashion – Join us aboard the sexy pirate ship “The Black Pussy” where the half-naked crew are contemplating mutiny. I think it’s really the parrot behind it all, you know. He’s egging them on to subvert the natural order of things. There’s something about lesbian sailors, isn’t there? She’s going to need help to take those boots off. I’m volunteering, aarrgh, aarrgh!

A broadside – Those cannons look locked and loaded, my sweethearties! She seems like she’s giving the orders to put the crew loyal to the Captain ashore on a deserted Caribbean island but I’ll bet the parrot in that tree is calling the shots from behind the scenes.

Captain Redhead – Apparently she’s going to have to walk the plank. A bit harsh, I think, considering her nice outfit and lovely hair.

Monkey business – “If that little punk licks my pussy again I’m going to blast its head off, I swear on Blackbeard’s grave.”

That’s what happens with rum and coke – When the loyal crew are in an alcoholic and drugged stupor there’s a great opportunity for the mutineers to take over the ship.

Cabin girl – The Captain’s favourite servant is legless and naked on deck, so there are only his first lieutenant and a handful of cronies to deal with.

Sinbad after the sex change – Since he’s had the operation Sinbad is no match for the determined rebels. The guy just spends all day feeling his tits and stroking his brand new pussy.

Mutiny on the Bounties – Those coconut chocolate bars in that barrel will soon be dished out to the rebels while the former Number One is tied up and thrown in the brig.

First choice mate – Leading the mutineers is their first choice mate Blondie. She’d be my first choice too.

Tough Tina – Another leading member of the rebel crew, Tina has been having a “Bad Hair Decade” and it’s just made her all the more cantankerous.

Ruthless Rose – She’s one of several crew members to have shot herself in the eye while checking if her blunderbuss was loaded or not. For some reason she enjoys threesomes with an alligator and a monkey. It takes all sorts!

Flexible Frieda – She lost her eye in a gymnastic accident involving those high-heeled sandals. Now she would appear to be trapped between a rock and a hard place or two rocks, if you prefer.

Cherry and Ching-a-ling – A mutinous couple who like to be chained together even though Ching-a-ling has never appreciated Cherry’s Groucho Marx impression.

Sexy Jess – Everyone on board “The Black Pussy” just adores Sexy Jess. She’ll be alright regardless of which side she chooses.

Suicidal Susan – She may be the rebels’ greatest liability. Prone to repeated self-harming, the girl has to be kept well away from sharp objects. Who left that cutlass lying around?

Silvercunted Sheila – Another darling of the crew, the reflection of the light on Sheila’s diamond studded pussy has mesmerised many a pirate of the Caribbean.

Black Kim – The executive executioner is Blondie’s right-hand girl and principal toy. A flashy dresser, she wields her authority with the air of a Princess Charming.

No-face Nanette – A silent assassin notorious for her wealth of disguises and for going commando beneath her skirt.

Cutlass Kate – Blondie’s twin sister and as expert with a blade as any demon barber. Many a wayward penis has ended up on the quayside after a swift stroke from her flashing sword.

Moody Mary – She waltzes about the ship pouting and sunning herself. The misery guts of the rebel crew.

Style Queen Carmen – The exact opposite of Moody Mary, Carmen is the life and soul of the party. When she’s not joking around she’s dressing like the Pirate Lady of the Manor, a true Showgirl.

Ludmilla Runmeover – Sumptuously sophisticated, this dark Eastern European Gypsy has been the lover of many a crew member. One flash of her tits has been rumoured to render several Royal Navy recruits blind in Portsmouth.

Crossbones Chris – Stylish and sexy, the delicious Chris is another crew favourite who never fails to give satisfaction.

Surly Serena – Fond of her jewellery, Serena is a hard nut who will refuse to crack, even under extreme pressure. She’s one you will want on your side in a crisis but her loyalty will be difficult to win.

Trade Union meeting – The dissident crew hold a meeting to form a pirate trade union. They’ll probably want a forty-hour week and to elect a new Captain but somehow I don’t think that will happen.

Who’s the Captain? – Blondie makes sure her rivals understand who is in charge now.

Keeping up morale – Some of the other crew members try to keep up morale by staging an impromptu lesbian orgy. What a really good idea!

Showtime – A double act distracts the rest of the crew while the mutiny takes hold and the ship’s destiny is sealed.

Marooned – The first of the ship’s officers is cast ashore to contemplate her fate.

Sold into slavery – Other crew members loyal to the former Captain are traded to Arab merchants in a Spanish port.

Lucky for some – At least one looks to have a future with her new purchaser.

Finding a new vocation – A place in the harem of a wealthy trader may have its compensations.

Shore leave – The displaced crew members go peacefully and are allowed to retain a few of their weapons when they are put ashore on Cannibal Island. I must say they do look quite tasty. Two swords and two pistols may not be enough to preserve them from the hot pot.

Sitting on the doubloons – Who’d have thought it? A happy ending where the buried treasure is found on Cannibal Island and there’s one crew member left to enjoy it after all the others have been eaten. They don’t write them like that any more or was the parrot I bought just making it all up as he went along. Perhaps we’ll never know. A delicious parrot by the way!

Contact me:

Suki Jensen-Ramirez

suki@sukijensenramirez.com

 

 

 

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