Suki Jensen-Ramirez
Suki Jensen-Ramirez

Piss point

Piss-up – The Champagne has flowed liberally at this well-organised piss-up and not a drop has been spilt. Yes, that’s all genuine girl-pee on the floor. I’m sure there will be some guy along to lick it up before the place is flooded to a point where the girls get their feet wet.

Urinal girls – She’s such a bad shot when it comes to weeing in the urinal that her best friend has to try to put a lid on things. It’s no use expecting the Force to guide your aim, sweetheart. You have to look where you’re peeing to get it right.

Eau de vie – Most piss tastes like Bulgarian wine and vice versa but I had a girlfriend at Uni whose pee resembled a rather cheeky Chilean Chardonnay. One of the guys had the nerve to bottle it and pass it off as the house wine in a local restaurant. This spritzer, served at pussy temperature, would probably be better chilled to accompany dessert.

Piss in me – She obviously knows a quality pee when she’s sampled it. I’m not sure about drinking it straight from the cask though. No glasses in your house, honey?

Cocktails for two – Oops! They’re missing most of the good stuff. Heads a little to the right for best results, ladies, I think.

Buy me a new dress, white boy – It’s the least you can expect, darling, after this complete piss miss. If he was aiming for your mouth I think he needed to build up a bit more pressure before release. All a matter of hydraulics, you know.

Fountain of youth – Here we have the correct discharge level, a veritable fountain to tempt the tastebuds. She knows how to take the piss – “I’ll have a pee please, Bob.”

Golden shower – When the shower unit breaks down you really can’t rely on your sister for the same level of coverage. Simpler to stand outside in the rain, I think, love.

Piss on me – This is more like it, but still a long way short of the full Monty. Looks more like a navel exercise than a proper piss-take. Maybe a lack of self-esteem too.

Shampoo heaven – “At last I can get my hair washed but I’m going to have to call on someone else when I get around to rinsing.”

Waterfall girl – Yes, she does waterfall impressions for a living. I think the guy just happened to be passing at the time.

Pee inspection – Will this girl’s pee pass close inspection by an expert piss mistress cum urine analyst? The woman from Del Monte she say “Yes!”

Blondes pissing themselves laughing – Apparently you can graduate to a higher level on the steps the more pee you produce. I really don’t think they’re taking the contest seriously though.

Farthest wins – It can be tough in the world of professional competitive road-peeing. These girls progress along the road to the furthest point their piss reaches each time they let fly. You have to take in a lot of liquids en route and by the time you reach the finish line you can be pretty pissed-off but it seems to bring out their competitive instincts alright.

Peeing in the bidet – This girl demonstrates her total lack of sophistication by peeing in the bidet when the toilet is just inches away. Good balancing skills though!

Missing you – Poor technique from this would-be pee-er lets her down. It’s not only the guys who you can catch sprinkling when they’re tinkling. Her excuse is she’s probably pissed.

Well trained – This demure young lady has been well trained in the procedure and seems to be hitting the targeted porcelain at just the right velocity.

Good girl – Full marks to little Miss Perfect here for a well-aimed piddle. The squat of a champion, I’m sure.

We have lift-off – It’s just like a geyser in Iceland, isn’t it? When she lets rip the whole room knows about it, that’s for sure.

Kamikaze wee-wee – This girl has her own in-built golden shower unit. Hours of pleasure on the dining room table for the whole family, I reckon.

Feeling guilty – She’s looking apologetic for this breach of etiquette but a girl’s gotta do what a girl’s gotta do. Just you put your all into it, treasure. You have nothing to worry about.

A cabinet decision – Sometimes you just have to go then and there. That innocent angelic expression on her face will excuse her, I have no doubt.

When the boss is away – The secretaries will play! Mark out your territory well, honey. He should be able to pick up your pheromones throughout his office. It will soon be all yours, you know.

Too late to ask permission – Class dismissed. You should have asked if you could go to the restroom ages ago, sweetheart. It’s the sound of all that sea behind you that brought it on, isn’t it?

Save the Sahara – “It may be a small beginning but I intend to irrigate the whole desert with my elixir of life. I feel it is my calling from God, you know. The whole of creation should benefit from my bounty.” – We’ll just have the Crunchie and the Twix, I think, hon.

Laying a trail – “I’ll need to find my way back through this forest so my pungent piddle will help me retrace my steps when the time comes. I just hope I don’t run out.”

Piss artist – “Yes, how did you guess? My latest abstract creation I call “Nude girl at the river.” My pussy does most of the work but I use my fingers too for some of the shaping.”

Blonde outdoors – There’s nothing like sitting on your own doorstep peeing in the nude to attract comments from your neighbours. She’s the talk of the yacht club. Honestly, the girl’s got no class at all.

Cork popped – That’s Champagne Sharon. She works as a bottle opener in Formula One Grand Prix racing circles. Looks as if she’s brought her own this time.

A golden shower for you – You deserve a refreshing salvo after experiencing all this wet pussy in one place. Now piss off until the next time. Mind those puddles as you go.

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Suki Jensen-Ramirez




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