Tit inspection – “You should be glistening, soldier. Those tits should be polished till I can see my face in them, got it? And why are they slung way down there? This is not a casual army where low-slung tits will be tolerated. Make them perky or ship out and join the navy.”
Close up and personal – A good clean breast should be tasty as well as soft to the touch. Make sure your tits are checked regularly by someone who cares.
The taste test – Of course, there should be a reciprocal arrangement. Suckle for hours if you have to. Better safe than sorry.
If I were you I’d kiss me too – If you have a cleavage made-in-heaven you have a duty to duplicate yourself and flaunt all four tits wherever you go.
Out in front – Now that’s what I call a bosom. Real plump pillows one could rest one’s head on for the weekend. I’d motorboat you from now to Christmas, honey.
A step too far – I think this one has overdone it a tad. Sure, they’d be fun to dive into but what happens when you need to come up for air?
Wrong size bra – Lots of women wear a bra that’s too small for them. Here is a case in point. Get some professional support, sweetheart. You’ll feel the benefit in the long run.
Bra needed – Going without support is no solution. If you don’t want to end up like this go buy that bra right now.
Stand to attention – You’ve certainly got my attention, sweets. I’d love to get my lips round those babies.
Extreme treatment – Everyone should care for their breasts as if they were your two best friends. No way can this be good for them. Dump the guy who did this to you, darling. Pronto!
A couple of pointers – It’s good to let them out to roam free from time to time. They seem to know instinctively where they want to go. My mouth awaits.
Nipple expansion – A little technical help to pump up those nipples is just fine as long as you remember to remove the vacuum jars before offering the nips to your friends.
Big and staring – It’s like being a rabbit in a car’s headlights, isn’t it? They just seem to fix on you and follow you round the room. Put your pussy away, precious. Those tits are temptation enough, believe me.
Spread them – When she is sleeping they try to make a break for it. Quick, grab them, love, before they get clean away.
Call me Droopy – Yes, these bazookas will sign their own autographs for all their fans. Their weight means the poor girl can’t stand up for more than a few minutes at a time.
Hanging loose on the sofa – Another perfect rack in search of a face to envelope. There’ll be no shortage of volunteers.
Milking it by the pool – The sign won’t stop people. There’s no way to resist diving into those duck’s down pillows, so soft and inviting.
A couple of swingers – Here’s someone else straining their back because of their superb frontage. Luckily she managed to grab hold of the window sill before toppling.
Hourglass figures – She obviously can’t see that her lawn needs mowing. It’s a miracle anything can grow in the shade of those massive orbs.
Proudly pierced nipples – Like little silver eyes on either side of a brown nose they lie, a constant reminder to their beautiful sexy owner that they are there.
These hooters are loaded – And aimed at you. They could go off at any time. We need to evacuate at least sixteen blocks.
High and mighty – Another magnificent set of perky cushions primed for action. They’ll respond to her every command.
Holiday snap – The curvature of the Earth can’t match these beauties. They look juicy and ripe and she may just think so too.
Wet and weighty – She’ll have no problems staying afloat when she gets into deeper water, that’s for sure. You could raise the Titanic with floatation balloons like those.
Enjoying the sun – Getting an all-over breast tan is important. You don’t want tell-tale white lines to spoil your fantastic skin tone.
Intimate narcissism – When in doubt suck your own. We love you too, kitten.
Amateur mastectomy – After a drink or two you may feel like you’re a highly skilled plastic surgeon capable of carrying out even the most complicated surgical procedure. Don’t! But by all means suck on your best friend’s tits, even if she is embarrassed by the attention.
Firm duo – These pale beauties certainly don’t need replacing.
Bright and beautiful – Is that a giant magnet she spies in the distance? Will her pierced nipples be drawn inexorably towards it? Should I throw myself in the way to protect her? That’s a rhetorical question, that last one, by the way.
Oiled and ready – I think she’s really too hot to be left out. Better to pop her in the fridge overnight to cool down.
Rounding up – It’s time for the free rangers to be put back in their pen.
Well proportioned – You deserve more than one star, cutie pie. Those are deluxe pillows I bet you nicked from the Hilton. Don’t play the innocent. Perfect breasts just don’t happen. Where did you get them? Come clean.