Bedroom trio – I’ve been pumped so full of semen recently that I’ve started to wonder what it would be like to be pregnant. I’m not ready to have babies yet (unless you’re reading this, George) but it’s bound to happen sometime. Will I still be sexy when I’m pregnant? Some women seem to be able to manage it. Judge for yourselves.
Sexy – Whatever you have before you get pregnant you still have but there is the added bonus of bigger breasts and the beautifully rounded curve of your belly. I think “naked and pregnant” is such a sexy combination.
Hot babe – You may not be able to stand up or sit down easily and you may have to give up on your five inch heels but otherwise you can still be magnificent.
Still at work – Being pregnant does not mean you have to stop working, at least not until the very last minute. Get out there, girl, and tend to those fields like a good cousin should.
Ready for hubby – There’s no need to give up on sex either. When your husband comes home make sure you roll out the welcome mat just as before.
Alien invader – Of course you can take it from behind. Just be careful you don’t slip on a wet bathroom floor.
Alternative entry – If you don’t fancy using your rear entrance there is a viable alternative. Most men won’t mind this option, but remember to ask his permission first.
Dutiful housewife – You have obligations to keep your man happy so have a willing asshole at the ready.
Doggy fashion – There is no reason why you can’t continue to keep the postman happy too. He could be the daddy after all.
Hasn’t learnt lesson – This is how you got pregnant in the first place, so get those lips ready pronto.
Should I masturbate? – Yes, you should. Take care of that pussy’s needs, girl.
Fingering hope – She’s got the right idea. Let your fingers do the walking and keep those orgasms coming.
Multi-tasking – You’ve always been good at multi-tasking so there’s no need to stop just because a baby is due. Sex with the couple next door is very much still on the agenda.
Trying for twins? – It’s a bit late for that but your pussy still needs its fair share of thrills.
Surrogate partner – If you really feel you don’t want as much sex with your partner as you used to before pregnancy why not bring in a surrogate to satisfy your man. His secretary could be just the right person to have on the substitutes’ bench.
Sustenance – Whatever you do it’s important to keep up your own strength so grab a snack whenever you can.
First beer – Baby too needs looking after during the pre-natal stage. His first beer could set him off on the right road to manhood.
Self-stimulation – Don’t be afraid to stimulate yourself while giving your child his first asthma inhaler.
Loving support – You may need the loving support of your girlfriends during pregnancy.
Pre-natal practice – This support can take various forms but practising breastfeeding is always a good way to get started.
Jealous sister – Your sister may be jealous of all the attention you are receiving so it’s best to involve her as much as possible, even if it’s only letting her kiss your tummy.
Pregnant kiss – Don’t neglect the opportunities for other kisses from supportive friends and relatives. They can really help boost your morale.
Young, pregnant and black – Why not form a support group of like-minded mums-to-be? You can compare bumps and bosoms and tease those nipples into milk-yielding shape.
Child of nature – It’s important to get out into the fresh air as much as possible. Commune with Mother Nature and your baby may grow up to vote for the Greens. (He’ll need his five-a-day.)
Lakeside swim – Going for a swim won’t hurt junior. He may become an Olympic champion one day.
Pregnant painter – Continue to pursue your hobbies during pregnancy. If you’re a painter or even just a stripper what you do will rub off eventually on your off-spring.
Is it still there? – Some mums-to-be reject their child even before it’s born. She may yet come around but in the meantime keep reassuring her that she is beautiful and desired.
You did this! – So often men get the blame for the woman’s predicament but they do say it takes two to tango. It’s not as if it’s her first.
Tights fit – “If I had kept these panties on in the first place I wouldn’t be where I am today - trapped in a mirror of reality.”
Breasts enlarging – “The really good thing about pregnancy is the size of my tits. They used to be like little buttons on my chest!”
Beautiful and pregnant – Having a baby does not reduce a woman’s appeal. Quite the reverse. It enhances it.
Take a peek – Want to see how junior is progressing? Come in and find out.
Rounding off – It’s the soft curves that create beauty and she has them in abundance.
Eager beaver – This pussy is still hoping for some sexual attention on the bathroom floor. Looks like a deserving case to me.
Dome city – Yes, the body is a bit of a temple when you come to think of it. Careful where you point those twin bazookas though. They look loaded.
Looking up – You just gotta admire such a perfect form. Who would want to leave such a cosy abode?
Sleeping beauty – Sex on the beach is where it began. Wake up next time before it gets this far, honey. Maybe the dream is better than the reality.