Suki Jensen-Ramirez
Suki Jensen-Ramirez

Pretty perusers

In the mood for sex – Reading can get us in the mood to have sex or it can even satisfy our lust for sexual stimulation. Of course, reading “The Pussy Pendulum” by yours truly is the ultimate guarantee of sexual satisfaction. You don’t have to wear stockings and suspenders or expose your pussy to full view in order to enjoy reading the novel, but every little helps …

Library fine – Running the risk of being banned from your local library isn’t really necessary. Choose a place to strip off and finger your pussy in peace. You don’t need a prissy librarian to silence your moans, or maybe you do!

Oh give me head – There’s a lot of fun to be had by getting someone to read an erotic story out loud to you. Warning – you may percolate to a point where you lose your inhibitions, cast off social restraints and just rub that rampant pussy till it comes.

Carried away – If you feel yourself losing control, just lay back and let it happen. Maybe you’ll even manage a smile.

Fruity fun – Outdoor reading in the nude is to be thoroughly recommended. Don’t neglect your five-a-day though and, yes, I do mean orgasms.

Dangerous reading – Some people will try to tell you that reading a certain kind of book is dangerous for you. I think this is really the only example of that. As long as the batteries last and the dildo holds out you could be in no better place than in a good book (eg The Pussy Pendulum).

Cool blonde – Comfort is the key when curling up with a good erotic read. I wonder how long she’ll retain that cool exterior when she gets to page … (oh, I’m not telling).

Well read – If a glass of milk and leaving your thong on floats your boat, why not?

Reading group – Some people like to attend groups and discuss what they’ve read. This is fine provided that you all get naked when reading erotica. It’s just compulsory, OK?

Ready to rub – Yes, always have your pussy ready when your fingers need a break from turning pages.

Root and branch review – Reading sweetly to herself in the depths of the beautiful green forest by a gently-flowing stream the gorgeous young princess found it as good a place as any to masturbate.

Ankles crossed – Having reached a good bit in the book while lying prone it’s OK to let your fingers wander but watch out for unexpected visitors who may not be so understanding.

Waxing lyrical – You’re going to need that finger for something else in a minute, honey. Mark my words.

Excited pussy – Looks like a dilating cunt to me. That strap-on may come in handy.

Hands free – It’s a good reading technique if you think you’re going to need your hands for something else any second now.

Ecstatic librarian – Looks like some librarians don’t practise what they preach. She’ll be screaming her head off in a moment.

Website watcher – Of course, reading on-line has become ever more popular as fans of this website will testify.

I can read – There are all types of readers but we’ll concentrate on the sexy ones here.

A soupçon of wanton – Just a flick of the hair tells us she’s coming close to woodland self-expression. Note that in the captain’s log.

Holiday reader – The beach is the place for turquoise thongs, perky nipples and new-fangled fucking-machines.

Book bliss – A shaded hammock in the Caribbean and “The Pussy Pendulum.” What more could one ask for? Well, a big black guy with an ice-cold coke, actually, when you think about it.

JK rowing – Relax and enjoy, sweetheart. Don’t pay the ferryman. Don’t even fix a price.

Puss in book – Yes, by all means stroke your pussy while reading but make sure it’s the right one or get a lectern.

Pussies delight – Pussies do like to read about themselves, don’t they? It’s going to need stroking sooner rather than later. Maybe the cat will turn the pages for you, hon.

Shocking passage – The Pussy Pendulum is not without its shocking passages. It’s as well you remembered to put that lightning conductor in your ass on the off-chance, isn’t it?

Naughty bit – Study it carefully, kitten, and be grateful you won’t have to do any of that.

Expectant pussy – Other pussies may be called upon sooner than they think. Your friend has taken the photograph now, sweetie. Time for some action.

It’s upside-down – Wait a minute. I don’t quite get this bit. Oh, it’s upside-down. Silly me. Nope, still doesn’t make sense.

Cat reads – You’d never catch me doing any of that acrobatic stuff. No way, Jose.

That’s impossible – Too right, mate. She’s lost her marbles big time, that Suki Jensen-Ramirez one.

Carpet muncher – “I don’t know. I just can’t see the attraction of munching a rug, but I’m willing to give it a go. Doubt if I’ll finish a whole one, though.”

Desperate to finish – “While she’s chewing the carpet, I’ll finish off the novel and stay up here out of her way.”

Sun blocker – “This book isn’t really working as a sun-shade. It’s just making me hornier.”

Tropical romance – “I was hoping for a thrusting hero and instead I’m supposed to finger myself? Guess I’ll have to rinse the sand off my left hand first. So much for relaxing on holiday!”

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