Suki Jensen-Ramirez
Suki Jensen-Ramirez

Pseudo pets

Subservient sex toy – Everyone would like to have a pet but for a variety of reasons it’s not always possible for us to keep an animal. Don’t despair! You can still have the warm feeling that your special pet worships you and will do anything to please you. They will even serve you as a sex toy which is more than most goldfish can do for you. Here we have an example of just the right mixture of subservience and adoration blended with semi-nakedness and sex appeal. The ideal pet will brighten up your long winter evenings and with the right attitude and the right amount of training you can enjoy hours of sexy fun in your own home.

Love and devotion – Many non-animal pets can be taught simple domestic duties. Your pet will make and bring you a cup of tea before lying lovingly at your feet and kissing your legs sensually.

Total obedience – Your pet will respond enthusiastically to a basic set of commands but don’t expect too much. This pet will frolic naked for you but won’t be able to set and light that fire in your living room. You’ll need a proper maid for that.

Adoring her Mistress – Some pets are particularly good at satisfying you in the bedroom. One look of encouragement and your pet will know exactly what to do.

Slaves give pleasure – Your pet slave will happily tongue your anus until the cows come home (when presumably the cows take over). Don’t forget to pet her if she pleases you.

Strict training regime – Sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind. Your pet will appreciate a degree of discipline. Bring them to heel with collar and lead and use a muzzle and a riding crop for extra control.

Pets should know their place – Keep your pet naked and restrained when not being used. If you have more than one it may be helpful to mark them with an identifying number.

Objective distance – Your pet should be taught to obey you instantly and without question. By maintaining an objective distance between you the pet will soon learn who is in charge. Always ensure you are positioned above your pet’s eyeline so that it has to look up to you and show respect.

Be confident and aloof – Your pet should learn that it is a privilege to be seen in your company. The more aloof you are the more it will admire and respect you as a leader.

Grovel and worship – A good pet will automatically know to grovel before you and worship at your feet, naked and prostrate. Facilitate this exercise regularly.

Willing acceptance – Your pet will respect you all the more if you use the crop occasionally. Make her fetch it for you each time. She will never tire of bringing it to you every time you throw it for her to fetch. She will soon know who is her Master or Mistress and will try even harder to please you.

Naughty pets are punished – Always beat an unruly pet. They expect punishment when they are naughty and they will always be naughty in order to test your resolve. The wooden spoon isn’t the booby prize this time.

Showing affection – You must always demonstrate affection when your pet does as she is told. Stroke and caress her until she purrs with pleasure.

An occasional treat – This attractive pussy has got the cream. She has been a good girl today.

Plenty to drink – “I don’t know. Come out for a drink, he said. I pictured cocktails and waiter service, not a bloody bowl on the floor. Some men just don’t know how to treat you.”

Pet interaction – If you have two pets of the same species, allow them to play together. You’ll have hours of fun watching their little antics.

Encouraging play – This helps develop your pet’s social skills. Let them lick and sniff wherever they need to so that they can feel at ease with other pets.

Socialise your pets – Remind them who is holding the lead and ensure they “sit” and “stay” when ordered to. They’ll be ready to eat out of your hand soon.

Healthy exercise – This is a must if your pet is to stay fit and well. Don’t end up carrying them like the pet on the left. You’ll lose more than you gain.

Knowing who is boss – That is the key to a successful owner/pet relationship. They have to learn to behave and not yelp and struggle when you are restraining them.

Jobs to be done – A well-trained pet will fetch your newspaper for you and not slobber over it. “Drop it! Let go! There’s a good girl.”

Chained to the kitchen sink – Train your pet to do domestic chores but always keep it naked and chained up in the kitchen, once it has made the beds and washed your clothes. Reward it with a quick bonk on the kitchen floor.

Comfortable accommodation –Your pets can be kept together in a cage unless they are prone to fighting one another. Make sure they have enough room to sit and air to breathe.

Outside pen – You may prefer to keep them outside to minimise the smell in the house. They will appreciate having their own space which is theirs alone.

Always naked – Non-animal pets should invariably be caged and chained naked for aesthetic reasons.

Time for breakfast – Let them out for food and exercise. They will love you for it.

Ready for walkies – A coy pet that is ready for a romp will make your day. She’ll happily lick you all over and wiggle her little butt with the sheer joy of being in your company (just like a secretary really).

Bedroom services – The non-animal pet may be adept at giving pleasure in the bedroom too. Her mouth, pussy and anus are spread out just for you.

The wife as pet – Give it a try if you must but don’t expect it to last forever. She’ll promise you the earth but may just not be able to deliver. Keep her naked and subservient for as long as you can.

Available to the highest bidder – Pets are just for Christmas not for the whole of your life. You can sell them on at an indoor slave market once you get tired of them. She’s worth a fiver at least!

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Suki Jensen-Ramirez




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