Suki Jensen-Ramirez
Suki Jensen-Ramirez

Public performances

Reading and ready – Reading “The Pussy Pendulum” has obviously awakened this young lady’s desire to be fucked outdoors. Sex in public is one of the central themes of the novel, so let’s hope she gets her wish.

Tourist attraction – Bondage is another feature of the novel “The Pussy Pendulum.” At one point the villain threatens to hire out the heroine to any passing tourists in Donegal. These tourists certainly seem interested in the possibilities. A new strategy for the Irish Tourist Board may emerge perhaps.

Automatic lover – I never knew this was part of the spin cycle. Before you know it she’ll be tumble dried. Don’t let him force you in there, honey.

Up against the wall – Well, you’ve gotta do something when you’re at the head of the line for the sales bargains and a long weekend’s wait stretches out before you.

Taken from behind – Isn’t that always the way! Just when you’re about to come you get a nosebleed. Still, he’s doing his best to stem the flow. So thoughtful!

Sex in the library – Clearly this couple couldn’t even wait to get home after spotting “The Pussy Pendulum” in their local library. Go for it, guys.

Video shop sex – Even though “The Pussy Pendulum” isn’t out on DVD yet this pair are entering into the spirit of the thing and shagging on the spot.

Telephone sex – He’s trying hard not to notice but I think she’s making her presence felt pretty well.

On the buses – I think that bus driver should really be paying attention to the road ahead. Blondes will be blondes, just get over it.

Subway scene – It can get pretty crowded on the London Underground, but it’s one way of meeting new people, I guess.

Car sex – It isn’t always necessary to leave the lights on when you’re having sex. You’re going to need that battery later, you know.

Enforced snooker class – I didn’t know you had to be forced to learn to play snooker. I thought it was just the spectators who had to be forced to watch it.

Close inspection – I don’t know. Amateurs! She clearly potted the ball in the wrong hole.

Balcony bangs – Sexual intercourse in full view of the neighbours can be a real turn-on. Brace yourselves. It’s a long way down.

Patio sex – “That’s better. The people next door will get a much clearer view. Maybe they’ll come around before we pass out.”

Hot vino – “No thanks.  I’d prefer the wine in a glass to drink rather than squirted into my pussy please.”

Street girls – Sometimes you just can’t wait and have to do it there and then. But please use the sidewalk, babes. The traffic around here is horrendous.

Snow ball – “It’s no good! Her tongue has frozen to my clit. Someone call for a St Bernard with a brandy barrel quick.”

Message in a bottle – “We found this bottle washed up on the beach. The message in it said – “Stick me in your cunt.” Ha-ha!” Somehow I think that the girl reading “The Pussy Pendulum” on the lounger will come first, sweetheart.

Seaside sex – “I’ve been in the water too long. She’s licking off the barnacles.”

Sex on the beach – “Is this a cock tale or are we actually going to do it here in the sand?”

Tide coming in – “You’d better come inside me before the tide does. Almost there.”

Picnic – “You must have gotten that wasp by now, darling, surely?”

Really wanted an ice-cream – “I’m not sure if I prefer the Italian or the Spanish flavour. Can’t I have both?”

Repetitive strain injury – “I don’t care who comes first anymore. I’m knackered.”

Sandy cove – “When you said “Up periscope” I thought you’d spotted a submarine.”

Mission impossible – “Wake up, darling. I think there’s someone in the bushes watching us.”

Caught in the act – “Don’t look now but there’s a policeman in his bare feet filming us.”

Rear ending – “OK, if you must. I’ll just keep on looking for mushrooms then, shall I?”

Forest fuck – “It’s all part of nature conservation apparently. So he says anyway.”

Outdoor girl – “I’m not a badger, you know. You don’t have to secretly film me for your wildlife documentary.” – “I’m no David Attenborough, love. Just your common or garden voyeur, innit?”

Research in the field – “I just went for a tramp in the woods and we’ve been together ever since.”

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Suki Jensen-Ramirez




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